What Is Intergenerational Trauma? The Emotional Inheritance We Don’t Talk About

Have you ever reacted in a way that felt bigger than the moment? Or repeated a pattern in relationships or parenting that you thought you'd outgrown?
Often, these responses stem from something deeper: intergenerational trauma, the transmission of emotional pain, coping strategies, and unspoken beliefs passed down through families.
It doesn’t only arise from big events like war or displacement. It can come from years of emotional neglect, silence, or survival-based thinking. And it shows up in subtle ways:
- Fear of conflict or speaking up
- People-pleasing to stay safe
- Carrying others’ emotions as your own
- Deep shame for setting boundaries
- Feeling responsible for family unity, no matter the cost

These patterns aren’t necessarily "ours"; they’re inherited. Passed down, not out of malice, but survival.

We also inherit silent messages:
“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Be grateful, don’t complain.”
“Keep the family together at all costs.”

But healing begins when we become aware of these patterns, not to blame, but to choose differently.
Sometimes, the most compassionate thing we can do is gently disrupt unhealthy dynamics. That may not always be welcomed, but it can still be done respectfully and with integrity.
Even if others don’t extend grace, we can.
Strategic Psychotherapy is one way I support clients through this work. It doesn’t focus on reliving trauma; it helps people identify the beliefs and roles they’ve inherited and gives them tools to shift those patterns.

You don’t have to carry what was never yours to begin with.

You can honour your history without repeating it.

And you can remain kind, even while choosing differently.

If this resonates, or if you're supporting clients through similar journeys, feel free to connect or reach out.